google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
