I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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