i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
