There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize