I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
