i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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