someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
