I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize