so let's talk penis.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
