I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
