I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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