Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
