That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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