You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize