i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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