im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize