don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
