I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
