I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
