ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
