A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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