you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
