literally had 100 drinks last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
