i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
