I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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