Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
