He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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