i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
