i used baking grease as lip gloss
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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