The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
