so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
