so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
