It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
