your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
