mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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