my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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