He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
