Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize