We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
