yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize