I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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