Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
