remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
