this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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