I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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