so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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