just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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