all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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