Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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