Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
