Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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