so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
