my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
