I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
