is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
