I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she pinky promised me she was 18
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
