are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize