You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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