I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
