how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
please come you make the beer taste better
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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