I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
