What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
